5 Keys to Creating Boundaries
You might love them, you might hate them; but, today we're talking about boundaries- an enneagram type 2's dirty word. I've learned the importance of boundaries over the years in school, work, relationships, and literally every other area in life.
So what's this have to do with our February series on organization and balance??
You'll never achieve all those goals you've planned and organized if you don't have boundaries-- and you certainly won't have balance.
So here ya go- 5 easy steps to creating boundaries.
//1// Say "buh-bye" to perfectionism
A wise friend recently told me that anytime you make a deal with someone (including those yearly contracts), the contract-giver believes they are getting a good deal-- or else they wouldn't be offering it. With that said, you hold up your end of the contract and that's all you need to feel like you have to do. Sign a contract to work 9-5, work 9-5 and do everything you can to get the work done in that time. If you're unable to get all the work placed on you in that time, it'll send a message to your employer. If you spend loads of extra hours doing the work and your employer doesn't see that - they'll never know your workload is too much.
This also completely applies to school if that's where you're at. If you didn't know (as I didn't), it is completely impossible to take a full class load, work, keep relationships afloat all while giving each one 100%. There ya have it- permission to not give 100% to everything. Here's my #1 tip: Prioritize assignments based on how much their worth and do the best you can. Turn it in and let it go. Really really. It won't make you lazy or a bad student or less whatever. Not everything has to be perfect...promise.
I've been letting go of my perfectionism tendencies for a while now, and I'm actually thriving in those areas.
//2// Leave work at work
If you want any sense of work/life balance, leave work at work. I'm an educator and I get the urge to bring work home often; HOWEVER, I learned quick quick that teaching (and many other professions) can quickly and completely take over your life. That idea that you could always do better is always present, regardless of how many extra hours you spend planning. SO, do everyone in your life a favor, including your coworkers, employers, family, etc., and leave work at work. You'll find that you actually have time to spend with the people you love and have hobbies-- really, you can have hobbies!! And that, my friend, is life-giving.
//3// Stop saying yes to everyone else and say yes to you
As a helper, I'm often quick to say "yes" to all the things, only to regret it soon after. When we spread ourselves too thin by saying "yes" to everything, we'll inevitably start saying "no" to the things and people that are most important. It's just how life works. No one can healthily juggle that many things. Shauna Niequist's book Present Over Perfect really helped me in this area. You an find her book here. Start by saying "no" to anything extra until you feel ready to start wanting to say "yes" again.
//4// Know your own worth
Know that people don't just like you because you're the "responsible" one who people can always count on. You are so much more than that. People love you for you, and if they don't, it'll become evident pretty quick and you can thank me later for being able to see their true intentions. Your time is precious, so you've gotta make time for the important things. With that said, you won't be able to help anyone anyway if you don't take care of you. SO, take that bubble bath, eat that pint of ice cream, put on that face mask, etc.
//5// Identify toxic behaviors
Finally, take note which people you walk away from feeling weighed down and which people you walk away from feeling refreshed. When you notice a behavior (gossip, negativity, etc) or a person that weighs you down, that's your clue there should be a boundary set there. Spend that precious time of yours with people who lift you up and that you can lift up.
Kk. Go out and start setting those boundaries. Try tackling just one at a time if it seems like too much. Let me know how it goes!!!